Here Comes Mr. Madden

With Caleb in town, it's a reminder that the NFL is almost here. With that in mind, here are the NFL's top stories this week.

- Michael Vick is a bad dude. He doesn't love animals. Unless they're attempting to kill other animals. Then it's ok. PETA isn't happy with this attitude.

- Denver Bronco offensive lineman are famous for not talking to the media whenever the Broncos play on Monday/Sunday Night Football. Which is a great tradition because it emphasizes their unity as a group. Unfortunately, it also means that the world will never know why they feel the need to break their opponent's knees while "blocking."

- The Chicago Bears traded away Thomas Jones in the offseason, finally giving Cedric Benson the opportunity to fumble away his professional dreams, just like his mentor Ricky Williams. We're all looking forward to Benson blowing his chance, without the drugs.

- The Bears are also relying on Rex Grossman to lead them back to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, Rex is busy looking at his calendar so he knows how many days are left until new year's day. Teammates have considered buying him a different calendar, but decided against it after watching him become befuddled by the VCR in the video room.

- Chief's halfback Larry Johnson decided to hold out over the beginning of training camp, prompting Priest Holmes to rejoin the team and try to take over as the starting runningback. The Priester broke a hip while attempting to get up from the interview table after stating his intentions.

- Adam "Pac-Man" Jones was suspended for the entire season by the NFL for his repeated bad behavior in the public eye. So it was only natural when Jones joined the WWE team to wrestle. Here's hoping his career in the ring will lead to an opportunity to play football again, just like Bill Goldberg.

- Lastly, Tiki Barber retired from football so that he could announce football for the NFL network. Unfortunately for the NFL network, nobody knows if it will actually be Tiki in the booth, or if he and his twin Rhonde Barber will switch positions every other week. I'm sure they've done it before, so it's only a matter of time before Tiki goes on the record as saying the he's sick of playing for Tom Coughlin and he wants out of New York...

Enjoy the season everyone and good luck to your team.