Youth is wasted on the young...

The winner of our weekly contest: movie star. Seems that people would rather sell out than rock out. Or something.

Seems like the first time in a long time where I don't really have a crush on anyone. I don't know how other people do it, but I normally walk around with feelings for someone. Lately, there really hasn't been any one particular person and I'm not sure if this makes me nervous. I enjoy the fact that anyone could come into my life tomorrow and I'd definently have room for them. That's nice. Considering all the times I've blown it, it's always great to know that it's never too late to find someone. My friend Amy told me I needed to find a girlfriend and then asked the obligatory "are you even looking?" question that seems to follow me around like a lost puppy. The best answer that I've come up with thus far: "Of course I'm looking. It just seems like no one's looking back." I know that this connects to my stupidest fear, which is ending up alone. It feels like I've had that fear for longer than I can remember and I think my problem stems from my adherance to a schedule of some sort. I've always liked the idea of knowing where you are going all the time and now that almost all of my future has no path that I can see, I find myself in an ackward position. I've never been extremely flexible with what I'm doing or where I'm going, which is probably why I end up pushing people away. It's not that I don't want to change, I just have a really hard time doing it. I know that's probably what's ended most of the relationships I've ever been in. My stubborness certainly doesn't help. But I don't want to be anybody other than me and if I'm not comfortable doing whatever it is the other person asks, then I'm not going to have a good time anyway.

House hunting is tougher than I thought it would be. I've seen a few that were pretty good. Nothing absolutely spectacular. A lot of crap. Some fair to middlin'. A few good ones. Good thing I've still got 2 months to find something. Well, until the sun rises, dream well my friends.